Ode to Losing Weight

There Goes My Diet Again

When I was young and in my prime,
I’d stuff my face most any old time.
Now my hair is turning gray,
I only eat but two times a day.

Trying to lose my flabby gut,
And the extra padding on my butt;
Looking at my reflection from the side,
Makes me want to run and hide.

Someone I know said they wished they gave a damn,
About their health and how their waistline ran,
But it’s easy for them to say,
Relative to me they were born only yesterday.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to capture youth’s potion in a bottle?
Just take two teaspoonsful every morning with your waffle,
And gobble down anything and everything during the rest of the day,
While not siving a ghit about how all the pounds will eventually lay.

I was a bit of a porker as a young tyke,
Lost all that weight once the hormones were set right.
My body turned skinny like a flag pole or train rail,
Nothing would further effect the reading on the bathroom scale.

Started repacking the pounds in my forties upon promotion to a desk job,
My slim physique began turning into a blob,
All my past energy it did rob,
Just thinking about it now makes me want to sob.

The work was no longer physical, yet I still labored very hard,
But sitting on my arse for eight hours daily was turning my body into lard,
‘Cuz the daily pressure for making sure all my i’s were dotted and t’s were crossed,
Any pep at the end of the day for exercise had been lost.

The Internet began to influence my spare time,
More sitting on the rump, creating a Website most sublime,
Starting an online business, trying to make an extra dime,
Hoping that the new enterprise would turn into a gold mine.

It took a friend to bring me to my senses, calling me obese,
Never had I considered myself to be fat in the least,
Perhaps a bit overweight, maybe even chubby,
For the lack of a better word, let’s just say pudgy.

My doctor never told me to lose any weight.
Wonder why if I am in that state,
Of obesity or corpulence, rotundity as of late?
Time is now to lose it for goodness sake.

Lost 45 pounds, that’s 3 stone, or 20 kilograms at my first attempt,
Took me over 6 months to do it; by golly I was hell bent,
From obesity to a healthier poundage I was sent,
By many a dollar on green coffee-bean extract that had been spent.

Sadly after a couple of years all that fat did come back,
From eating those goodies found on the Entenmann’s and Tastykake’s rack,
At the market along with all that forbidden fruit,
Turning me again into that obese brute.

So now I’m down to two meals a day,
Counting all those calories, keeping most of them at bay.
Twenty pounds I hath shed, another twenty more to go,
Constantly hungry, I guess I’ll make another cup of Joe.

The worst part of being on a diet is dreaming of pigging out and waking up angry about doing it!

About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
This entry was posted in General and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s