Today’s Tirade: Ten Things That Make Me Go, “WTF?”

Killdeer, WTF?

1. Why is it when my back needs scratching urgently, the itch is in the spot where I’d have to be a double-jointed contortionist to reach it without grabbing a coat hanger, or other long, pointed objects to satisfy the persistent urge?

2. Normally I save my work regularly while creating a labor-intensive graphic image in Photoshop, piecing together an extensive video; or when writing a long-winded tirade, article, or chapter to my latest novel. Why is it the one time I forget to do so, my computer crashes and I lose everything?

3. While getting into my vehicle and glancing out into the main thoroughfare to see little—if any—traffic passing by, guaranteed I’ll find a line of cars and trucks a mile long when proceeding to leave the property, with no one giving in an inch to let me get out.

4. Pulling on the strip where it’s marked “Open Here,” and snapping off the appendage immediately after initiating the action, having to pull out my trusty surgical scissors to cut through the package.

5. Likewise, when opening box tops with the convenient tuck-in tabs to place into its corresponding slots for closing the flaps afterward, I tear the slot’s side in half inadvertently due to faulty packaging no matter how careful I am, preventing the carton from fastening properly.

6. While attempting to repair the aforementioned slots, ripping the Scotch Tape off before reaching the dispenser’s cutter and losing the tapered end on the roll inside, having to rely on the surgical scissors again to tediously fetch the wayward tape’s end.

7. Fat-thumb Syndrome when texting from my phone, or leaving on the auto-correct and letting something unintentionally absurd fly off with the message.

8. Taking an extraordinary or unique photo and posting it on social media, putting together a stellar video and uploading it on Youtube; making a witty statement on Twitter and Facebook; playing physically all the instruments and singing while recording a cover tune, not necessarily a professional endeavor, but requiring hard work regardless for something that was meaningful to me at one time or another in my life; or writing an excellent blog entry and yet, nobody makes a kind remark or even a cutting comment about it, although sometimes one or two likes from true friends appear whilst I see second-rate and mediocre offerings—usually not even their own but cut-and-pasted drivel—get the utmost praise from the respective poster’s followers. Sorry for the self-indulgent rant.

9. Getting into the exact-change lane of a tollbooth accidentally, thinking I had the correct amount and finding I didn’t.

10. Running into the only public loo when having to defecate and finding no toilet paper is available (I know, too much information).

Join me for my next tirade when I’ll be discussing overused words and phrases on Twitter.

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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