A Tribute to Rodney Dangerfield:
I was so poor growing up, if I wasn’t a boy, I would have had
nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, “Come on over. Nobody’s
I went over. Nobody was home.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the
other night she called me from a hotel.
One day I came home early from work and saw a guy jogging
naked. I said to him, “Hey buddy, why are you doing that?”
He said, “Because you came home early.”
It’s been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on
and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came
off. I’m afraid to go to the bathroom.
I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept
covering me up.
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a
I was such an ugly baby, my mother never breast-fed me. She
told me that she only liked me as a friend.
I was so ugly, my father carried around a picture of the kid who came
with his wallet.
When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to
my father, “I’m sorry, we did everything we could; but he pulled
I’m so ugly, my mother had morning sickness after I was born.
I was kidnapped as a child and they sent a piece of
my finger to my father for ransom. He said he wanted more proof.
Once, when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help
me find my parents. “Do you think we’ll ever find them?” I said.
” I don’t know kid. There’s so many places they can hide.”
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
I’m so ugly, I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking
how big I’d get.
I went to see my physician. “Doctor, every morning when I get up
and I look in the mirror, I feel throwing up; What’s wrong with me?”
“I don’t know,” he said, “but your eyesight is perfect.”
I went to the doctor because I swallowed a bottle sleeping pills.
He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
Lastly, things to contemplate while cleaning out your navel:
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?
Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip?
Why is it called “lipstick” if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish-washing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
Why do they call it ‘chili’ if it’s hot?
Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?Jason Everhardt
Another Saturday night and I was feeling tired from chasing the moon and so uninspired that I had to resort to re-posting some old jokes from Comedy Corner. Hope you managed to giggle somewhere along the line.
Thanks for stopping by and for your continued support.