How Much Do I Love the Internet? Let Me Count the Ways!

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Sixty-one days remain until Thanksgiving, eighty-eight ’til Christmas. Ninety-four days are left to 2019, three hundred and ninety-five before the U.S. presidential election.

Yikes, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. Autumn just started last week. We need to try and enjoy the cooler weather before even considering the holidays. What cold weather? So far it still feels like summer with temps supposedly going to reach 92°F/33°C on this coming Wednesday.

We won’t talk about climate change, as many believe it’s poppycock—gee, I love using that word—and this entry is not meant to offend anyone. However, in this politically correct world in which we live, people tend to get teed off too easily.

The National Weather Service is predicting below-normal temperatures to prevail by the end of next week in our area, so now we can pull out the hoodies, sweaters, leather jackets, and drop the talk of global warming until the next hot spell.

I first heard “Poppycock” on an episode of the TV program, Mash, exclaimed by Colonel Potter: the great Harry Morgan. He was such a great actor. It was almost as if the show’s writers were trying to get something over on the network censors. People look at me funny when I use the word in polite company.

Stephan Pastis, the cartoonist whose strip is Pearls Before Swine, loves to write puns which makes a character that portrays a comic-strip censor go wild. In one episode, the premise was for naming a new baseball team, “The Nadias,” after the famed gymnast Nadia Comăneci, giving girls everywhere inspiration, but shortening the name to “Nads,” for making it easier for fans to say while cheering, like “Nats” for the Nationals.

“Go Nads,” Rat said, who is one of the main characters, upon which time the strip censor showed up to raise hell. Funny stuff, I must admit. Wait, don’t get offended by that, please.

For those not familiar with this cartoon strip, click here to see more examples on the World Wide Web. What would we ever do without the Internet?

I know, let me count the ways:

  1. Spend more time outside in the real world.
  2. Talk with someone verbally, face-to-face.
  3. Save money from not paying for Internet service.
  4. Not having to put up with trolls who wouldn’t ever have the nerve to confront someone in person.
  5. Never seeing someone’s incessant selfies because film and developing cost too much for that vain habit. I doubt the cell-phone camera would have been invented without the Web in existence.
  6. No longer would my pet peeve for smartphone zombies exist, those who are hunched over continually and checking their Internet-connected devices constantly for the latest on Facebook, Instagram, other Social Media, texts, or e-mail.
  7. No more Social Media.
  8. All these egotistical, self-important, pontifical, celebrity wannabees and Youtube’s talking heads would have never materialized.
  9. People would have to brag about themselves in real life instead of on Social Media, the latter of which makes it easier for them to do.
  10. I wouldn’t have a platform on which to stand and complain, for no one listens anyway.

That’s enough for one tirade. Couldn’t get away without complaining about something, and my five hundred words have been satisfied. Thanks for stopping by and for your continued support.

About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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