La Plume De Ma Tante

Guess I didn’t learn my lesson from last week’s entry, so here I am again, pen in hand; no, not literally with la plume de ma tante—that’s French for “my aunt’s pen”—but tapping away on a keyboard.

One of my pet peeves is how people always use some sort of meme found on the Net to present their feelings about something, so pardon my doing so as seen above. It fit in so well with my main premise.

Another pet peeves is how the word “literally” is thrown around in everyday speech and writing. I used it in the thesis sentence of this tirade, but in the literal sense.

“What’s he talking about?” you might be thinking.

Well, for example, posts on Social Media are filled with the incorrect usage of the adverb. In one of the comments made earlier on Twitter to a Phillies’ tweet with regard to tonight’s game, a troll complained about the team’s losing by ranting how Bryce Harper, the highly paid, long-term right-fielder, “literally has one hit in his last 11 games.” That sentence would be grammatically correct and succinct without the illustrious L-word.

Incidentally, right afterward, Harper hit a three-run homer to give Philadelphia the lead over Cleveland.

“I was literally surprised,” stated another tweet. Couldn’t just being “surprised” have worked as well?

“DUDE THIS EMOTE IS LITERALLY AMAZING ,” read another. I guess something can’t simply be amazing. Punctuation, by the way, or lack thereof is another nuisance of mine.

“Bro they literally shut us out for a whole quarter of football.” Come on, give me a break!

Life and the political situation worldwide make my complaints about grammar inconsequential; so I’ll leave that topic alone for now but don’t want to get started on politics either. I get myself into enough trouble otherwise with my weekly drivel.

While living we proceed. In death we’re preceded by those who die before us. There’s another peculiarity in the English language. What happened to the arrangements of “E” in precede, as opposed to the ones in proceed? To make things uniform, why isn’t the former spelled preceed, or the latter spelt procede?

Are you bored yet? I hope not. Funny how Murphy’s Law takes effect in my life daily. A well-traveled road in my neighborhood, “Tennis Avenue,” has a traffic light at the T-intersection with the Bristol Pike (US 13). It seems that every time I’m at that location, the signal is always red, while the opposing flow of traffic proceeds through a green light.

Just to show how the forces of the universe love to torment and befuddle me, while approaching that same intersection the other day, but on US 13 this time, I had to stop there as the light was red. Go figure. Curses, foiled again!

Been trying to avoid procrastination lately. Daily existence creates enough anxiety without my adding to it purposely. This month, instead of stacking my junk mail on a table and sorting through it all at once while paying my bills on the 25th, I’ve been disposing it daily, which takes up hardly any time.

Being put onto a mailing list of guaranteed donors from my donating to various charities on occasion, those of which must sell their compilations to similar organizations for padding their own coffers, doesn’t help to lighten the load. I receive multitudes of so-called gifts from solicitors, like religious articles, address labels, greeting cards, calendars, note pads, pens and cheap calculators or other miscellaneous garbage, most of which I throw out.

The part that gets me is in a week or so later, the ones who sent out the junk ask in another correspondence if I received their gifts, and to please send back some money for their cause. “Listen Bub,” I’ve written back in the past. “One shouldn’t expect anything in return when giving someone a gift. Don’t send me all this junk anymore. I’ll just throw it out in the trash.” Unfortunately they don’t listen.

Lastly, instead of pushing off the Cooper’s annual state safety inspection until the first of the following month after expiration for the purpose of extending the deadline another 30 days during the next year, I brought it in today, well-over a week ahead of time. Old Faithful passed again, except for a burnt-out license-plate bulb which the service center replaced. Can you believe that tiny light cost $10.00 plus $8.00 for labor to install?

I forgot to take a photo of the new stickers during the daylight, so I just went outside with my smartphone to capture the following shot. My neighbors must have thought I was nuts; but then again, they knew that already.

Thanks for stopping in and for your continued support. As a parting shot, the Phillies beat Cleveland 9-4.

About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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