Delving into the Macabre II

Why is it when a person purchases a perishable product and doesn’t check its expiration date, the item surely is set to expire way before one can feasibly finish consuming it? (Don’t call me “Shirley.”)

That happened to me with a dozen eggs from last Monday. Normally, I always check the date before buying them. Figures on the time I didn’t, bingo; the eggs expired officially yesterday. Typically they’re sold with a three-week expiry, not four days from purchase like this last carton.

I’ve eaten eight so far. Going to fry up a couple more after I finish this tirade. That will leave me two for tomorrow morning’s breakfast. They should be OK, two days after the deadline. Let’s hope that’s not synonymous with “flatline.”

Two weeks ago, the expiration date on a half-gallon of orange juice was for four days after I purchased it, another occasion of not checking the date ahead of time. Normally I drink one eight-ounce serving daily, which gives me eight day’s worth. Had to drink sixteen ounces per diem to use it all up.

Got rid of an expired bottle of one hundred aspirins I bought in November 2018 after forgetting to check the date of expiry. About ninety tablets were left. What a waste. Think I’d learn? Should I blame it on the dreaded affliction: CRSA, or can’t remember sh*t anymore? Nay, it would be too easy, like attributing the memory lapse to a senior moment. Not admitting to that!

Thank goodness an expiration date wasn’t stamped on the bottom of my foot at birth. I’d forget all about it and be late for my own funeral. What a macabre thought. Can you imagine?

Speaking of dreadful, human feet have been washing up on shorelines across Canada’s westernmost province for over a decade, according to an article from Good Morning America, dated this past Valentine’s Day. How’s that for a romantic topic?


Infographic of where human feet have been found on British Columbia’s shorelines since August 2007. Courtesy of British Columbia Coroners Service.

Earlier this week, appeals to help find the identity of the body belonging to another foot—found relatively recently inside a light gray Nike sneaker that landed on a rocky beach in West Vancouver—were issued by the British Columbia Coroners Service, who described the unusual find as follows:

The decedent was wearing a light grey Nike Free RN shoe with a black Nike swoosh logo and white base, white laces and a blue sock. The shoe was a men’s U.S. size 9.5 with an OrthoLite insert. The shoe was manufactured between Feb. 1 and April 17, 2017.

According to the article, the coroners’ service claims the sneaker-clad foot was the fifteenth one found since 2007, all of them mostly from men in running shoes: ten of which had been identified through DNA analysis as belonging to missing persons. Five remain a mystery.

There’s a lesson to be found somewhere in this: maybe not to jog with your wife, girlfriend or partner after a heated argument on the beach. As far as random feet, washing ashore, perhaps they were leftovers afterward from feasting sharks. Ever smell the inside of an old, sweaty sneaker?

Thus ends another off-the-wall, weekly entry into this illustrious journal. Thanks for stopping by and for your continued support.

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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