Things That Make Me Go, “Hmmmmmm!”

hmmmm

Hmmmmmm!

  • Why are the crowns of North Korean military hats so large in circumference?
  • Are openly carrying pencils and small notepads while in Kim Jong-un’s presence part of the North Korean military protocol?
  • What is it exactly that all those old men write in them?
  • Is a fixed amount of time mandatory before responding to an e-mail or text message after one reads it on their smartphone or Internet device, instead of answering it right away?
  • Why do so many drivers not use their turn signals?
  • How come shoppers must leave their shopping carts in the middle of the supermarket aisle while they pick items off the shelves, blocking everyone from passing around them?
  • Why do oncoming vehicles speed up when one is attempting to pull into traffic, even if wanting to go the other way?
  • Is it really necessary for having to slam the door after entering or leaving one’s house or apartment?
  • Must cars be parked as close to mine as possible in parking spaces next to me, causing dings and scratches on my auto from others’ opening doors when exiting their vehicles?
  • Have individuals forgotten to say—or given up saying—”Thanks,” and “You’re welcome,” anymore?
  • Does a person feel more important by ignoring comments posted by presumed, insignificant others on the former’s tweets or updates on Social Media, never giving the latter any recognition at all?
  • When I attempt to tear-open new zip-lock packages at the spot that reads, “Tear Here,” why doesn’t it tear no matter how hard I try without using a sharp knife or scissors?
  • Why is it talk is so cheap, and a lot of people never do what they tell me they’re going to do?
  • Do all click-bait headlines on the Internet lately say, “Here’s what you need to know,” about whatever?
  • Can you believe two hundred more words are left to go in this goofy tirade?
  • How come nobody loves you when you’re down?
  • Who discovered that most lines of type average ten words?
  • Why is it you’re counting words in the above lines?
  • Do politics and religion really make strange bedfellows?
  • How long does it take to shave one’s head bare everyday?
  • Is it looking like Mr. Clean that makes them want to do it?
  • Why do bald men mostly always have beards or other facial hair?
  • Who was Murphy, and did he actually devise that law which seems to rule my everyday existence?
  • Will the Publisher’s Clearing House Prize Patrol ever make a visit to my flat after my religiously plastering stickers on every one of their entry forms ever sent to me?
  • Does anyone besides me wish for a “Do Not Send Junk Mail” registry?
  • How does AARP know when someone turns fifty for pestering them to join their organization?
  • How did I get this far into this weeks tirade with the preceding nonsense?
  • Why are the second syllables in preceding and proceeding spelt differently?
  • Why do I always misspell them both?
  • Is a writer’s block actually a cube?
  • Do you sometimes amaze yourselves like I do me?
  • How did I get started on this anyway?
  • Does anyone even give a shit?
  • Do you believe I made it past 500 words?

Allow me to shamelessly plug my new novel, Sarobia: Sanctuary for Humans, Birds and Animals, which can now be found at Amazon.com, on sale today for 23% off the list price, by clicking “here.”

Lastly, my latest cover, for hopefully your enjoyment, is a tribute to the late Tom Petty:

Thanks your your continued support, and for putting up with my weekly diatribes.

porky

That’s All Folks!

About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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2 Responses to Things That Make Me Go, “Hmmmmmm!”

  1. Jack says:

    I will not leave my cart in the middle of the isle

  2. Good man! Thanks for commenting, Jack.

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