A Politically Correct Or Incorrect Tirade?

WW-WordlessWednesday44-G

A Political Spoof

So, what’s there to bitch about today? Climate change? Naw, that’s fake news, even though a one-trillion-metric-ton iceberg has just broken off of Antarctica and is now floating around in the Southern Ocean. How did that happen, I wonder?

Can anyone say, “China did it”? Nay, twice this time, that would be too outrageous a statement to make; but then again, someone of power and persuasion might utter it. Remember when pulling out had a sexual connotation?

That’s what the U.S. just did with regards to the Paris Climate Accord. There’s a snowball’s chance on the Senate floor that we’ll ever admit to global warming. Wait, one did survive for a short-lived moment. My bad.

Summers lately have been progressively warmer than the ones before it. What’s causing that? Could it be…, Satan? Maybe, because it’s been hotter than Hell.

Bit the bullet and made an appointment to have four new tires installed on the Cooper. As mentioned last time, I’ve been putting it off but want to take a trip up North to bask in cooler temperatures. Don’t trust the ones on there now, as they are quite old and beginning to exhibit dry rot.

Been losing pressure in one of my back tires regularly also. Thank goodness they are run-flats. The treads are getting low too. At first I thought someone was letting the air out of them, as I seem to have enemies here; but it’s the same tire all the time. Must be a slow leak.

Going to get a wheel alignment and oil change as well. That should make the car roadworthy for a while. I’ll wait until getting back to get it state-inspected.

What else? A couple of weeks ago, I mailed out my entry for the Publishers’ Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. Used to enter them all the time. Never won, though. Seems since the Internet took off, I stopped receiving entry envelopes, and was surprised to find their latest one in my mailbox.

Figuring it can’t hurt to enter, I did as they instructed, pasting various approval stamps on the entry form, not ordering anything, as they say it’s not necessary to win. Sent it out at the end of last month.

Yesterday I received notification that my entry had been received and given a SuperPrize Number, provisionally added to the Winner Selection List, to be validated only upon their receipt of my returning yet another entry form by pasting more approval stamps onto it, including one that I had to search through all the leaflets of their advertised products to find, after throwing them out into the garbage. What a mess!

Not ordering anything again, but was tempted by a few sundry items, I made sure all the necessary add-ons were included with the latest entry form before sending the envelope on its way.

The Super Prize is for $1,000,000.00 in cash, plus $5,000 a week for life. Man, what I could do with that! Chances of winning, however, are 1 in over 2,000,000,000. That’s two billion, by the way. I’d have a greater chance of getting struck by lightning.

According to the National Lightning Safety Institute:

1. ASSUME –

4 CG flashes/km2/yr/average

House is 10 X 20 m2 = 200 m2

Direct strike to house when lightning hits within 10 m

Predicted strike (1200 X4)/1 000 000 =

4.8 X 10 -3 or once ea. 200 years

Therefore – 1 out of 200 houses will be struck per year.

2. ASSUME –

USA population = 280,000,000

1000 lightning victims/year/average

Odds = 1 : 280,000 of being struck by lightning

One in 280,000 doesn’t seem to be too much, compared to winning the Powerball Lottery, which is 1 in 292,000,000 chances. Still, those odds are a lot better than winning the Publishers’ Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

One thing I did find that had worse odds than all of that, is the chance of getting hit by a falling satellite, which is about 1 in 21,000,000,000,000, or 1 in 21 trillion chances. With my luck, that would happen before my winning anything.

I wonder how many more times Publishers’ Clearinghouse will be sending out another form on which to paste stamps and mail back to them without ordering anything before the sweepstakes end? Probably until I order something.

Well, that wraps up another tirade, way-ahead of Saturday’s deadline again. Hope you are remaining cool in your neck of the woods. Thanks for stopping in and for your continued support.

For my latest cover, please enjoy this rendition of the Beatles, “Help.”

Until the next time, ciao.

 

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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One Response to A Politically Correct Or Incorrect Tirade?

  1. Received another notice from Publishers’ Clearing House yesterday (Thursday) for being issued a another SuperPrize number for a giveaway on August 31st, for an absurd amount of money with just about the same odds of winning as the one mentioned in the above tirade; but this time, no approval stamps to stick on the entry, no items for sale, and they even paid for the return postage. Something’s fishy about that. Mailed out the form and envelope today 🙂

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