To Snore With Love

mike-patchThere’s nothing worse than one’s snoring so loud, it keeps everyone awake. At least that’s what my ex-wife used to say.

What’s even more terrible is when the snorer wakes him or herself up due to the loud racket, which I’ve been doing to myself lately.

My marriage fell apart because of my infernal snoring. Not only could my spouse get a full night’s sleep, neither could I.

She would wake me up and tell me to stop snoring.

Either that, or the crazed woman would poke and shake me, insisting I roll over. That would happen two, to three times over the course of every night.

It got so bad, I moved out of the bedroom and began to sleep on the couch. To my benefit, it was very comfortable and peaceful.

There were other factors for which I don’t care to get into, but my snoring started it all.

After my divorce, I was never prodded or awaken by anybody in the middle of the night for the purpose of being told to roll over or stop snoring. I suppose those who had been around me were sound sleepers, or not bothered by my trumpeting.

Now, my snoring awakens me abruptly. Can that be a result of Karma?

breathe-right

I had developed dry mouth, which caused a sore throat in the morning. My doctor said it was due to postnasal drip and prescribed a steroid to stop the problem.

He said the trouble was from breathing through my mouth while asleep, a cause for snoring as well.

Not wanting to remain on steroids, I trained myself to keep my trap shut, which is no easy chore, mind you. Ask my Social Media friends and followers.

I started using Breathe Right, as seen on the left. The strips wrap across the center of my nose and adhere to the skin on either side of the nostrils, holding them open to prevent their collapsing and stopping the air flow. One each night is recommended.

They seem to help, but make me look like my nose had been broken. Not that it bothers me, for no one has seen me like this overnight.

As a night bird, I’m up until the wee hours and was awaken early one day by some workman hired by my landlord, who had to inspect the fireplace in my flat, as per the yearly requirement stipulated by the township’s building and fire code.

The man asked what happened to my nose. I told him I had gotten into a fight with someone who woke me up unexpectedly in the morning. He looked at me funny and said it won’t take long to make the inspection.

With the end of dry mouth, I stopped using the steroids, having put on weight since beginning to take them, not to mention my starting to look like The Hulk. Everything was hunky-dory until a few days ago, when I started to wake myself up from hearing my bellicose snoring.

I must be breathing through my mouth again while asleep.

Having to live with myself, what am I to do now? Perhaps by placing duct tape over my mouth before my going to bed will work along with the Breathe Right strips. I’ll have to shave my beard and mustache, however; otherwise, it will be like waxing the hair off from around my mouth each morning upon awakening. Ouch!

I’ll let you know how that works out. As always, thanks for stopping by and allowing me yet another rant, and for your continued support.

By the way, allow me to plug my latest Cover Your Ears. I’ve been getting into the blues lately:

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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2 Responses to To Snore With Love

  1. Jack Maher says:

    Mike I have the identical problem. My wife sleeps on the couch. We not fought over it yet but I think were getting close

  2. Try those Breathe Right strips, Jack. Can’t hurt. Works for me. Slept the night through except for a nature call. Haven’t relied on the duct tape yet. 🙂

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