Mr. Optimistic’s Winter Prediction For the Northern Hemisphere


Brown-spotted Butterfly

This topic has been held over for the entire summer and has certainly grown old.

Speaking with a neighbor about how brutal it’s been and will be lasting that way until the end of this week, before any significant relief will be felt, I mentioned my wanting to feel cold again.

Winter is this chronic complainer’s least favorite season, and the freezing-cold temperatures are as welcomed as slipping on ice and landing on one’s derriere.

Delaware River, Polar Vortex

A Frozen Delaware River and Poquessing Creek in the Midst of a Polar Vortex

My prediction for the future, by the way this summer has been infernal, is to watch out for bone-chilling series of vortices, which will be prevalent from before the holidays through the end of February, with massive quantities of snow that will cover the region for months before the spring thaw.

Just call me Mr. Optimistic, but I’d find cause to complain if it didn’t snow at all, yet never for temperatures not dipping down to a few degrees below freezing; although, spending some time bundled up seems most favorable at this point.

As a field-service technician, I repaired recycling equipment found in most every supermarket and retail outlet everywhere: cardboard balers and garbage compactors. Having to climb inside a compactor was the worst, especially on days like we’ve been having.

Sure as Carter had pills, a barrel of fish heads had been thrown down the chute by the seafood department and were stinking the high heavens before I had to go outside to investigate the problem as to why the machine stopped working. Sorry for all the clichés but I love using them.

The balers were my preferred detail in heat waves. The machines were mostly always in air-conditioned back rooms. In supermarkets I’d love it when they opened the big freezer doors, and blasts of cold air would permeate the wet shirt on my back, wiping the sweat off my brow.

Fortunately I don’t have to put up with that nonsense any longer, but hang outside much of the time anyway. As the heat index, real-feel temperatures have been in triple digits Fahrenheit—+38 Celcuis—I’m often reminded of those walk-in freezers which were such instant relief in scorchers like this summer has been.

Never had I wished for fall and cooler temperatures before this year. The thought of having to bundle up in the big coat has great appeal.

Ah, for vortex weather: when the long johns are on, thermal socks, flannel shirts, Eskimo coats, tuques, scarfs, comfy gloves and dry boots. Imagine wearing all of that now and walking outside? Not only could a person be arrested for lunacy, instant dehydration, heat stroke and becoming comatose is another possibility.

However, the thought of not being hot is so refreshing, albeit as elusive as a fluttering butterfly in a field of yellow flowers during this hellacious couple of months so far. It’s been more like Mother Nature’s use of a nonstop, flaming blow torch.

In the previous entry, I proposed staying inside to work on music and turned out the following heat-wave special for ending another weekly tirade. Maybe next week will be cooler. Let’s hope so.

Thanks for reading and your continued support. Stay cool!




About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at
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