Meant As Inspiration

Mike Slickster with duct tape over his mouth

One of the many uses of duct tape.

Social Media is filled with worn-out quotes offered by wannabee philosophers, armchair politicians, and self-appointed gurus and pseudo specialists who saturate my timelines with overly sweet, sickening niceties, pasted usually as dreadful memes copped from somebody else, meant to inspire and make me a better person.

All of that seems to make me more apoplectic and chronically cynical, giving me great fodder for yet another bodacious diatribe to fulfill my self-imposed commitment for a weekly journal entry.

The majority of these plastered witticisms, littering my news feeds on a daily basis, can be attributed to the early days of the Internet: from the newsgroups on Usenet, and bulletin-board servers before that, where one would dial through a phone line into someone’s computer somewhere and see all these rehashed, inspirational proverbs and sayings which appear now on Twitter, Facebook, Tumbler, Pinterest, Instagram and what have you.

Then blogs took over the task of re-posting these regurgitated didacticisms, stolen from the past, brought forth again many times forward, ad infinitum, showing up as if the latest poster presented it to his minions for the first time ever.

That’s only human nature, however, like when a child tells you an old joke as if it had never been heard before.

My contribution to this conundrum is to fight back by providing the following witty quotes about our universe, which have been floating around hyperspace, rolling down the Information Superhighway for decades.

My hope is that someone may find inspiration from some of these, which poke fun at the status quo; and also may it be the first time you read them.

“Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.” Carl Zwanzig (whomever the hell he is)

“There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” Douglas Noel Adams

“Only two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” Albert Einstein (very relevant)

“Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can’t remember where they leave things.” Unknown

“In answer to the question of why it happened, I offer the modest proposal that our universe is simply one of those things which happen from time to time.” Edward P. Tryon

“It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.” John Andrew Holmes

“Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn’t have to experience it.” Max Frisch

“The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.” Kilgore Trout

“I’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.” Woody Allen

“In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.” Douglas Noel Adams

“The crux is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing.” William J. Broad

“Programming today is a race between software engineers, striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.” Rich Cook

“There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don’t know what it’s a plan for.” Fred Hoyle

“We are an impossibility in an impossible universe.” Ray Bradbury

“My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.” Christopher Morley

“I’m worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It’s not holding a charge.” Edward Chilton

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” Calvin and Hobbes (Bill Watterson)

“The current state of knowledge can be summarized thusly: In the beginning, there was nothing, which exploded.” Terry Pratchett

“It ain’t over until it’s over.” Yogi Berra (this really doesn’t have anything to do with the theme of our discussion, but it’s a great way to end my discourse. Thanks for stopping by.)

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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3 Responses to Meant As Inspiration

  1. Shirley Ann says:

    Was Yogi Berra smarter than the average Berra?

  2. Ha! Very punny, but yes, he is alive and well still at 90 “)

  3. Revisiting this post, I have to mention regretfully, Yogi died twenty days later, much to this Yankee fan’s dismay.

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