Another One Bites the Dust: Requiem for a Laptop

laptop screen with bullet holes

An Undeniably Shot Notebook


A recently destroyed computer now rests in eternal bliss on the top shelf in the dark recesses of the overloaded storage closet with the rest of my obsolete electronic paraphernalia. No, I didn’t shoot the critter like the photo-shopped picture above might suggest; but I may as well have, what with spilling haphazardly a 20-oz. cup of coffee directly into the keyboard, a few days ahead of the new year, ultimately seeping in and shorting out various silicon chips, diodes, resistors and such on the motherboard.

The machine acted very screwy all at once. Since the keyboard had fried, a plugged-in auxiliary device was necessary for continued usage. The infernal laptop operated as if it were possessed by an incredulous demon who typed incessantly at will, adding arrays of characters to wherever the cursor was blinking, with the final string’s being a cavalcade of “6666666666…,” until I figured out by pressing the “Backspace” key, all strangeness would cease.

What if life provided a backspace button instead of a navel? Whenever someone did something totally unfathomable, terribly unreasonable, viciously mean or cruel; a simple insertion and push of a finger could reverse the concurring situation, bringing one back to the point where the atrocity began, thus allowing for a chance to make it right. The only stipulation would be the button could only be used three times during a lifetime.

What would you have used it for thus far? Would you have any left for the future? What would happen from concussions during a bodacious sex romp?

Getting back to my eulogy, I inserted a small screwdriver in between the key on the computer and stopped the aforementioned melee for a spell:

Laptop with small screwdriver in backspace on keyboard

Screwdriver Jammed into Backspace Key

Screwdriver Jammed into Backspace Key


Then, the processor began to fail, creating havoc whenever any software that took up a lot of resources was running, losing all present information whenever the program froze, instilling upon me to save my work ultra-regularly. More phantom nonsense popped up, and I tried one more attempt for saving the contraption by helping it to ventilate overnight and completely dry it out as seen below:

fan blowing air into bottom of laptop

Last Ditch Attempt for Revival

The treatment seemed to work. No longer were abnormalities occurring. The photo-editing, word-processing, digital-recording programs ran without a hitch until yesterday morning when I awoke to find my beloved notebook frozen stiff, no way to shut it down without having to force it off and pulling the plug.

The laptop never turned back on. It wouldn’t boot, telling me I had no operating system left on a damaged hard drive. Requiescat in pace, my friend. Thinking about the cost for replacing the keyboard, hard drive, motherboard, and installing an operating system, I bought a new one, for which the replacement is on its way via Federal Express from a vendor’s warehouse in Edison, NJ. I hope to get it in another couple of days.

In the meantime, I’ve pulled out from the black-hole closet my old Toshiba, whose a bit slow and awkward at times, but still works and is helping me through these hard times. The screen has multicolored lines that run vertically across, sort of psychedelic and esthetically pleasing, if you ask me. Whenever a program’s background is white or a light shade, the colorful additions disappear.

I had spilt something on that one’s keyboard as well, disabling a few letters and symbols, for which an auxiliary was necessary too. You’d think I would have learned my lesson, but no!

Operating Toshiba laptop

Old Faithful

Saving my old equipment comes in handy, you see. There is a method to my madness. Happy New Year and thanks for stopping in to read my rantings.

As a footnote to all this, I was fortunate for saving all my stuff on an external hard drive. All my sensitive and precious files survived the catastrophe: a good lesson learned.

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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