To Eat Or Not To Eat: Here Comes the Season!

Statue of William Shakespeare in London's Leicester Square

“To be, or not to be, that is the question
whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
or to take arms against a sea of troubles;
and by opposing, end them? Yada, yada, yada.”
William Shakespeare (from Hamlet)
The Statue of the English bard, as seen above,
stands atop a fountain in London’s Leicester Square

At the threshold of another joyous, festive season, starting officially here on Thursday in the United States, the holidays seem to get here earlier every year. Merchants are biting on the bit and drooling already for a month-long spending spree by multitudes of hungry consumers about to shell out a few billion dollars nationwide for gifts and the rest of the holiday cheer.

While the anxious store owners hope for a decent portion of that preceding, estimated expenditure, I say more power to them; but come on, don’t start jumping on the North Pole’s bandwagon way back in September and October. Not even in early November should I hear piped-in Christmas music on the intercom, interrupted by what’s on sale for that particular hour; nor see a fully decorated, artificial tree complete with holiday ornaments, frills; and especially catching a Santa Clause’s lurking around, not until Black Friday!

OK, on Thursday they can do it; although, the store should be closed to allow their employees to be at home with their families, anyway.

Today while running errands, I noticed a few lots set up with signs for selling live trees and wreaths; but no merchandise had been put outside yet. At least those merchants are holding back until Thanksgiving before pouncing on their pre-approaching, freewheeling, money-spending, happy-holiday prey.

All of this leads to how in the Sam Hill can an individual like me, who is still on the upper scale of being overweight—with quite a few degrees to go for reaching my weight-loss goal of weighing 200 pounds (4st, 4lb; 90.7kg)—going to lose 9 more pounds (4.8kg) over this upcoming, most voraciously gluttonous period of the entire year to reach that elusive benchmark of what I weighed 25 years ago?

Tempestuous merrymaking, which brings on binge eating, is a common, acceptable practice amongst the masses until New Years, and even sometimes after that with the sumptuous leftovers sitting in one’s fridge.

I’ve got a 14-day supply of green-coffee-bean extract left, which means another 25-day supplement will be needed to maintain what I’ve lost so far and hope not to gain anything excessively.

Moderation is the key, and so is sampling a lot of really small portions, another cockamamie conundrum faced by any diet-challenged merrymaker. Holidays mean stuffing one’s face, devouring everything on the plate and grabbing seconds for another complete go-around until the belt must be unbuckled, and perhaps even undoing the top button of one’s trousers, jeans; or the loosening of girdles by the ladies who are wearing dresses. Do they still wear those (either the former or the latter)?

Life is stressful enough without worrying about gaining a few extra pounds over the Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanza observances, or Festivus for the rest of us. I plan on pigging out a few times. So what! ‘Tis the season.

Happy holidays! May our forthcoming weight gain be worth it.

About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at
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