Warning: reader discretion is advised. The following may cause one to groan excessively.
A prisoner escaped from the Philadelphia Jail and Detention Center the other day, while I was at Pennypack Park by the Delaware River behind it, in what could best be called “unusual circumstances.”
As the derelict was being taken to a transport outside the hoosegow, an accomplice allegedly aided the inmate’s escape after distracting the guards by throwing breath mints at them. The sheriff said his men weren’t used to “diversionary Tic-Tacs.”
The warden has been hospitalized as a result of this daring breakout. He slipped on the loose breath mints and fell when arriving to survey the calamity, causing one to become lodged underneath his toenail. The injury, however, was not considered serious and is described as a “Tic-Tac toe.”
In further developments, two trustees were sweeping up the candy when they got into what was described as a “sword fight” with the brooms. Both tumbled over on the pellets and were brought to the infirmary for their resultant injuries. The doctor on duty was heard to exclaim, “Tic-Tac toe? That’s three in a row.”
Investigators have determined it was not only the round nature of the breath mints that caused the warden and two trusties to suffer this malady. It seems the diversionary Tic-Tacs were tossed in the paddy-wagon parking lot which is just outside the highly polished floor of the jail’s entrance. So what made these men lose their footing? It was the Tic-Tacs and paddy wax they got their dogs upon.
Just a thought: if an invasion of deer ticks in nearby Bucks County causes the locality to hire additional forestry personnel to deal with the problem, plus extra public-health experts to deal with the consequential Lyme Disease outbreak, would the extraneous expenditures force the region to levy new taxes on its citizens to cover the costs? Could that new charge be considered a tick-tax? Inquisitive minds want to know.
Pardon the puns, by the way. Not! Enjoy your weekend.