A Fresh Breath of a Story

Warning: reader discretion is advised. The following may cause one to groan excessively.

Young Buck

Young Buck at Pennypack Park by the Delaware River

A prisoner escaped from the Philadelphia Jail and Detention Center the other day, while I was at Pennypack Park by the Delaware River behind it, in what could best be called “unusual circumstances.”

As the derelict was being taken to a transport outside the hoosegow, an accomplice allegedly aided the inmate’s escape after distracting the guards by throwing breath mints at them. The sheriff said his men weren’t used to “diversionary Tic-Tacs.”

The warden has been hospitalized as a result of this daring breakout. He slipped on the loose breath mints and fell when arriving to survey the calamity, causing one to become lodged underneath his toenail. The injury, however, was not considered serious and is described as a “Tic-Tac toe.”

In further developments, two trustees were sweeping up the candy when they got into what was described as a “sword fight” with the brooms. Both tumbled over on the pellets and were brought to the infirmary for their resultant injuries. The doctor on duty was heard to exclaim, “Tic-Tac toe? That’s three in a row.”

Investigators have determined it was not only the round nature of the breath mints that caused the warden and two trusties to suffer this malady. It seems the diversionary Tic-Tacs were tossed in the paddy-wagon parking lot which is just outside the highly polished floor of the jail’s entrance. So what made these men lose their footing? It was the Tic-Tacs and paddy wax they got their dogs upon.

Just a thought: if an invasion of deer ticks in nearby Bucks County causes the locality to hire additional forestry personnel to deal with the problem, plus extra public-health experts to deal with the consequential Lyme Disease outbreak, would the extraneous expenditures force the region to levy new taxes on its citizens to cover the costs? Could that new charge be considered a tick-tax? Inquisitive minds want to know.

Pardon the puns, by the way. Not! Enjoy your weekend.

About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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1 Response to A Fresh Breath of a Story

  1. Jason Everhardt says:

    Thanks for the warning. I’m still groaning!

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