Love, Kristen: The Knob

Dr. Ben Dover's examination table

Examination Table


Excerpt from Comedy Corner…

    Modern technology never ceases to amaze me! Last year, an Oriental practitioner joined Dr. Ben Dover’s Unisex Gynecological and Proctological Clinic, where our motto is: we keep you coming and going. The newest physician to share Dr. Ben’s practice, Dr. Tum E. Tuck MD, is a miracle worker within the realm of plastic surgery. His first case involved a middle-aged lady who came to see what her options were concerning her rapidly sagging face.

    “We can give you an old fashioned face-lift,” he said; “or we can use a new, high-tech procedure called ‘the knob.'”

    “What’s ‘the knob,’ Doctor?” she inquired.

    “It’s a procedure where we install a knob under your hair on the back of your head. We then connect it to the facial muscles that sag,” he replied. “Whenever you start to notice any new wrinkles and sagging, just tighten the knob a few turns; and your skin will be nice and tight again.”

    “Oh, yes, Doctor! That is what I would like to have,” she exclaimed excitedly, as if the lady were asked if she would like some chocolate with that.

    The operation was a complete success and she looked fifteen years younger. As months passed, whenever she noticed any new sagging, she simply tightened the knob and voila: her face was beautiful again. The other day, she woke up and saw two very large bags under her eyes. Alarmed, the woman called the clinic and reported the bags to me. “Come down to the clinic right away,” I told her. “Dr. Tuck will check you out!”

    Sure enough, the woman arrived and indeed had two large, bulbous appendages under her eyes as she had reported. I brought her immediately into an examination room and waited with her. I was curious to see what Dr. Tum would find as the cause of her dilemma.

    “You’ve been tightening the knob way too much,” the doctor announced after a brief examination. “Those bags under your eyes are your breasts.”

    “That explains the goatee,” I said. There’s never a dull moment around here. Dr. Tuck repaired the malformation and sent the woman on her way. I kind of liked her hair when she was wearing it in a bun; or shall I say, “buns”?

    Enjoy the rest of your week.

    Love,
    Kristen

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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