Green Coffee Beans Without Montelimar

Rolling Stones

The Rolling Stones – June 18, 2013 – Wells Fargo Center, Philadelphia

Summertime brings blazing sunshine, scorching heat, horrendous humidity. Days like today in the City of Brotherly Love behooves a person to strip down to bare necessities clotheswise; which after a long winter and short spring, this weight-challenged individual tries to be considerate to the eyes of others and remains covered for the time being while in public.

Mainly for my health and not my vanity, a much needed weight loss is desired with the least amount of exertion on these aging bones of mine. Surely exercise is an essential factor for longevity. If you snooze, you lose, as the saying goes.

Walking is a great way to stimulate metabolism, providing a sufficient cardiopulmonary workout, something I’ve been focusing on more extensively lately. Laziness is detrimental to one’s health, much more so later in life. To see Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and Charlie Watts as septuagenarians, bounding with seemingly boundless energy is a tremendous inspiration to get my act together.

A concerted effort is now underway for cutting out all the unnecessary sustenance shoved typically down my forever loving esophagus: oh, such sweet, succulent morsels like Tastykakes, Entenmann’s goodies, chocolate chip cookies, apple pie, Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream, etc. The main thing is cutting out sugar, which is close to an impossible thing for this relentless sweets-monger, substituting Splenda in my coffee and drinking loads of green tea.

Short of plastering duct tape across my mouth, I’ve searched for ways to help suppress my appetite. Ephedrine was wonderful when it was legal; however, for some it created excess stress on the heart and killed unsuspecting souls. Amphetamine sulfate was the drug of choice in the ’60s, prescribed readily by your general practitioner for warding off those extra pounds. Can you say, “Ping, ping, ping, Ricochet Rabbit”? Not only that, but excessive usage rotted one’s teeth, not to mention their brain.

Green coffee beans, have you heard about that? It’s the latest craze in fat diets. I did some research and found the extract of the unroasted bean is indeed an appetite suppressant, contains antioxidants, and has fat-burning properties if used as directed. Milk has to be strictly avoided when taking this supplement, as lactose binds whatever processes are broken down through ingestion for melting those ugly pounds away, while cleansing unwanted toxins. That’s the toughest thing for me to put down. I love milk and go through a gallon in three days, a lot of extra calories to burn off from the get-go.

So far, so good, today is my third day on this green coffee-bean diet, taking six caplets daily, religiously in two settings: three at breakfast with 8 oz./237 ml of water, and three about six hours later with a snack, downing another glassful of water. Adequate hydration is likewise an essential for maintaining good health.

The bottom line is this method seems to be working. I’ve already lost 4 pounds, or 1.8 kilograms. My goal is to lose 20. Wish me luck.

Incidentally, for those who remember, my science project is still in effect. This experimental subject just may turn out to be the eternal grapefruit, as shown below. The photo was taken today:

Grapefruit Science Project

Day 138 (not much difference from Day 78)

About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at
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5 Responses to Green Coffee Beans Without Montelimar

  1. Lost another pound since yesterday.

  2. Status Report: holding steady at 5 lbs. lost on this sixth day of the diet.

  3. On day nine now and 6 pounds/2.7 kilograms lighter, missing all that good eating, albeit. Can’t have my cake and eat it. Going to splurge on a Quarter-pounder with cheese when I reach 10 lbs./4.5 kgs. lost.

  4. Day 11: lost 7.5 lb/3.4 kg.

  5. Day 16: 10 lb/4.5kg; 10 more to go. All I can think about is Tastykakes, junk food and giant cheeseburgers, washing it all down with a gallon of milk. Oh well, I’ll just grab a piece of fruit instead.

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