Love Kristen: A Rebuttal

In all fairness to women after the previous post, here’s something from Kristen van Ouven, posted at Comedy Corner, which tilts the scales back towards a more realistic, feminine outlook:

    Kristen 04/07/99 has joined Comedy Corner at 07:51:10

    Super Kristen

    Super Kristen

    I have just read Fargo’s rant about how men seem to think they get over on us women. Well here’s a lesson for you chauvinistic miscreants:

      WOMEN’S ENGLISH

      Yes = No

      No = Yes

      Maybe = No

      I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.

      We need = I want

      It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.

      Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.

      We need to talk = I need to complain

      Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to.

      I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!

      You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.

      You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

      Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.

      This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.

      I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..

      Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

      I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

      Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.

      How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not
      going to like.

      I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
      on T.V.

      Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.

      You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.

      Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]

      Was that the baby?= Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him
      until he goes to sleep.

      I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

    Love,
    Kristen

    Kristen 04/07/99 has left Comedy Corner at 08:13:59

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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