In all fairness to women after the previous post, here’s something from Kristen van Ouven, posted at Comedy Corner, which tilts the scales back towards a more realistic, feminine outlook:
Kristen 04/07/99 has joined Comedy Corner at 07:51:10
I have just read Fargo’s rant about how men seem to think they get over on us women. Well here’s a lesson for you chauvinistic miscreants:
- WOMEN’S ENGLISH
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I’m sorry. = You’ll be sorry.
We need = I want
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to.
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
You’re … so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…..
Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not
going to like.
I’ll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you’re dead.]
Was that the baby?= Why don’t you get out of bed and walk him
until he goes to sleep.
I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
Kristen 04/07/99 has left Comedy Corner at 08:13:59