The Rattlings of A Swellheaded Man

Next in this phenomenally droll series, recreated here by transcribing the scripts utilized by the crazy cast of cockamamy characters from the now-defunct Comedy Corner, a bit of a male chauvinist presents himself like a whirling dust devil, crashing vaingloriously through the swinging barroom doors of Big Nose Kate’s Saloon in Tombstone, Arizona. He’d log on to toot his horn every now and then, as is shown in the following, unedited repertoire of his manly skills:

Bald Eagle

Fly Like an Eagle

    Justin Case has joined Comedy Corner on 27 Feb 1998 07:08:57

    WHY MEN ARE (JUSTIFIABLY) PROUD OF THEMSELVES

    1. We know stuff about tanks.
    2. A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase.
    3. We can open all our own jars.
    4. We can go to the bathroom without a support group.
    5. We don’t have to learn to spell a new last name.
    6. We can leave a motel bed unmade.
    7. We never have the need to ask for directions.
    8. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    9. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    10. If someone forgets to invite us to something, they can still be our friend.
    11. Underwear is $10 a three-pack.
    12. If you are 34 and single nobody notices.
    13. Everything on our faces stays the original color.
    14. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
    15. We don’t have to clean the house if the meter reader is coming.
    16. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
    17. We can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours without
    thinking, “He must be mad at me.”
    18. Same work—more pay.
    19. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
    20. We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
    21. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, you just
    might become lifelong friends.
    22. Your pals will never trap you with: “So, notice anything different?”
    23. We are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colors.
    24. We almost never have a “strap problem” in public, although we have
    to adjust the boys every so often.
    25. We are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
    26. The same hairstyle lasts for years—maybe decades.
    27. We don’t have to shave below the neck.
    28. A few belches are expected and tolerated.
    29. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
    30. One wallet, one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
    31. We can do our nails with a pocketknife.
    32. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
    33. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day
    before Christmas and in 45 minutes.

    Justin Case left Comedy Corner on 27 Feb 1998 07:10:31

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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