Today’s Tirade—Ten More Things That Annoy the Hell Out of Me:

1. Those packages that are hermetically sealed around all the edges on which, at the top center of the wrapping, it says, “Peel Apart Here”; but no way in Hades can one pry open the tab, unless maybe they were Edward Scissorhands: what I usually end up using, my surgical scissors, mutilating the parcel while almost incising a finger.

2. In the same vein as above, how about the zip-lock, reusable annoyances which instruct, “Pull Open From Here”? Pow, bing, zing, zoom to the moon, Alice; both sides are ironclad shut. The only thing that slits apart is the paper-sized cut on your thumb from recklessly attempting to rip open the plastic bologna package. Out come the surgical scissors again to destroy the zipper while rapaciously tearing the seal, so that the meat requires an extra covering of Saran Wrap to remain fresh.

3. I must have an aversion to wrappers: take the ones individually enclosing my favorite, tiny cigars. A nice little pull tab is provided for removing the cellophane; but wouldn’t you know it? The little strip and wrapping are occasionally melded together into one piece, requiring many expletives be spoken after the cigar has snapped in two, from my trying to cut through the seam with my teeth or the Cooper’s ignition key, while my pocket knife sits at home on the dresser.

4. The Firefox browser seems to crash a lot for me; however, I still use it for its many amenities. This usually happens with a multitude of tabs open, my working on two screens—not that I lack RAM (in the computer department that is)—but I think java code has something to do with it. Regardless, after fighting to get up the task manager for closing Firefox—which was a topic in a previous tirade (click here)—when the browser restarts, it insists on recovering all the windows open at the time of initially freezing-up, which causes it to lockup again for an indefinite amount of time, whilst my blood pressure is reaching unhealthy levels.

5. When my eyeball itches and I rub it, the affliction becomes worse following a second or two of instant gratification, causing me to scratch again, suffering more discomfort as a consequence. Discipline is what it takes, for which I have to really muster at times such as this, until finally I leave the irritation alone.

6. Fat-finger Syndrome while operating the keyboard or menus on my Android smartphone. No need to ventilate any further on this one.

7. Cracking open an egg to fry and immediately breaking the yoke.

8. Pulling up to an ATM that’s out of funds.

9. The following is rather picayune, albeit still a nuisance to me. While typing information into an entry field for whatever, such as filling in a registration form, adding a description to a posting or picture upload and finally looking up from watching one’s fingers tapping away; often I find no text is there—zero, zilch, nada—requiring my starting over: re-work, something instilled in me when employed as a mid-management maven to avoid at all costs. I can type without peering down at my digits; but on the occasion that I do peek, bingo! You’re probably thinking I need to chill out; nevertheless, this is my tirade and way of venting, thank you very much; as I cue up, “They’re Coming to Take Me Away, Ha-Ha, Ho-Ho, Hee-Hee.”

10. While processing my just-finished work: any creation I may have begun uploading on the Net, the local cable company’s signal sporadically drops out, and the dreaded “timed out” screen appears. Fortunately for me, WordPress auto-saves; and as if by wizardry, it’s all there when starting over, no re-work. I didn’t know that the first time it happened; nonetheless and needless to say, I nearly lost it, flipped-out, went bonkers. What a pleasant surprise to find it all recovered. The anomaly occurs elsewhere from time to time, such as when uploading a large video on Youtube; that’s when I overtly gesticulate while reciting a litany of fancy profanity, gathered together from years of prolific practice, perfectly produced and executed in various foreign languages.

Enough with this long-winded philippic; until the next time, I bid you adieu.

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About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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3 Responses to Today’s Tirade—Ten More Things That Annoy the Hell Out of Me:

  1. Sweating the small stuff:

    My tirade, my rules, my right to sweat whatever I damned well please. Thanks for your comment.

  2. Anonymous says:

    And again I say, my blog, my right to rant, my prerogative to sweat, thank you very much!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Looks like a great place to go.

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