Today’s Tirade

Blue Screen of Death

Blue Screen of Death

Why is it when a program crashes on my PC or laptop, and a task manager is started in Windows with the intention of killing the locked-up process—but it stalls everything else on which I’ve been working so hard and vigorously, and most likely the intricate and profound nuances of my project will never be replicated if the dreaded blue-screen of death is seen—that both terminal displays turn pitch black before me and remain in oblivion for more seconds than I care to discuss? Then finally, the task-manager menu pops up; yet when the attempt is made to end whichever process is causing my blood pressure to skyrocket, nothing happens. It’s like the computer is saying, “Sorry, sucker, I want to watch you flip out!”

Why you no-good, lower-than-a-snake’s-belly, confounded computer, that will never happen, I’m thinking to myself while clicking continually on the “End Process” button until carpel-tunnel syndrome develops and steam is billowing out of my ears; nonetheless, still nothing is happening except for my wanting to throw the blasted monitor out the window and hearing it crash on the sidewalk below. I’ve always wanted to do that. In my mind’s eye, I have envisioned the event often.

Now the dastardly computer is sounding like an old Atari game, such as Breakout or Pong while in kick-ass mode. Those were the good old days, when I was able to turn Space Invaders back to zero, which was quite an accomplishment on the archaic video game. I’d be up ’till the sun was rising, bug-eyed and zombie-like, and eventually turn the game over, take a quick shower, down some coffee and make it to my first-period biology class in college: quite an obsession, wouldn’t you say?

Back to the tirade, I’m almost completely out of my mind, double- and triple-clicking the button on the message popup that’s telling me my program is not responding, and do I want to end the process? Well duh, and pow, zing, zoom to the moon, Alice; shut the (insert expletive here) thing down already! I’m muttering like a madman, clicking like crazy and about to wear my bloody mouse out, reciting a litany of my old favorite obscenities, which eventually calms me down to a lather; when alas, my muse must have saved me; for the harrowing program finally bit the dust, and my system was set free again. Score for obstinacy; light is always at the end of the tunnel, that is unless it’s nighttime; but even so, the potential is there. As Shakespeare once said, “There is no darkness but ignorance.”


About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at
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2 Responses to Today’s Tirade

  1. Anonymous says:

    Hahaha, I know the feeling, especially with wanting to to do the computer bodily harm sometimes.

  2. As a disclaimer, I wasn’t advocating violence against computers; after all, they are but only inanimate objects. Aren’t we are supposed to be able to outsmart them without mass destruction? Hello, HAL . . . , do you read me, HAL?

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