A little over 2 days left

Warning… explicit, profane language.

We’re expecting a Nor’easter to dump about a foot of snow in the region. The last significant snowfall that paralyzed this area was the blizzard of 1996 on January 6-9th.

The localities worst hit were as follows:

  • Snowshoe, WV…48 inches
  • Shenandoah, VA…37 inches
  • Frostburg, MD…33 inches
  • Front Royal, VA…32 inches
  • Philadelphia, PA…31 inches
  • Sperryville, VA…31 inches
  • Bayshore, NY…31 inches

Three quarters of the state of Pennsylvania was in a State of Emergency with emergency medical, fire and police vehicles the only ones allowed on the roadways.

Here’s an excerpt from this writer’s winter journal of the 1995-96 season:

DEC. 2
It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. Mother Nature in perfect harmony. I LOVE IT HERE!

DEC. 12
More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trick again, that rascal. A winter wonderland. I LOVE IT HERE!

DEC. 19
Snowed again last night. Couldn’t get out of the driveway to get to work this time. I’m exhausted from shoveling. Fucking Snowplow!

DEC. 22
More of that white shit fell last night. I’ve got blisters on my fingers from shoveling. I think the snowplow hides around the corner and waits until I’m done shoveling. That Asshole!

DEC. 25
“White Christmas” my busted ass. Mother fucking snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives that snowplow, I swear I will castrate the dumb bastard. Don’t know why they don’t use more salt on this fucking ice.

DEC. 28
More of the same shit last night. Been inside since Christmas Day except for when “Snowplow Harry” comes by. Can’t go anywhere. The car is buried in a mountain of white shit. The weatherman says expect another 10 inches of this shit tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

JAN. 1
Happy Fucking New Year. The weatherman was wrong(AGAIN). We got 3 fucking inches of snow this time. At this rate it won’t melt until the 4th of July. The snowplow got stuck down the road and shit for brains had the balls to come to the door and ask to borrow my shovel. I told him I broke 6 shovels already, shoveling out the shit he plowed into my driveway. I broke the 7th shovel over his fucking head.

JAN. 4
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way back a deer ran out in front of the car and I hit the fucker. Did about $3,000.00 damage to the car.

Jan. 18
Where’s my Prozac? I can’t see out of the frigging windows from the snow drifts obscuring the view. The WaWa down the street ran out of bread and milk and I’m down to my last cigarette…

That was the last entry for the while it took me to shovel out of my igloo.

New Years should be an adventure if the storm hits. With Nor’easter, one never knows what to expect. Have a safe one. Remember to drink responsibly…yeah right! Just don’t drive.


About Mike Slickster

As an early retiree with an honorary doctorate degree from the proverbial "School of Hard Knocks," this upcoming author with a lot of free time on his hands utilizes his expansive repertoire for humorous yet tragic, wildly creative writing that contains years of imaginative fantasy, pure nonsense, classic slapstick, extreme happiness and searing heartbreak; gathered by a wealth of personal experiences throughout his thrilling—sometimes mundane or unusually horrid—free-spirited, rock-'n'-roller-coaster ride around our beloved Planet Earth. Mike Slickster's illustrious quest continues, living now in Act Three of his present incarnation, quite a bit on the cutting edge of profundity and philosophical merriment as seen through his colorful characters, most notably evident in the amusing Thirty Days Across the Big Pond series, all of which can be found at Lulu.com.
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